4 ways to control your negative self talk

This week I was in one of my mood swings. I can go for longs stretches of time thinking everything is awesome, especially when I go to the dentist and she gives me the gas. When that happens I feel connected to the universe and that nothing can go wrong…true story. Sometimes though I feel like asking myself What the hell I’m doing? Just like this week and it’s on those times the you have to be extra careful. If not your mind can start racing and the next thing you know you find yourself indulging to much in whatever vice you have when your feeling down.

As someone who has adapted to live with a rare condition, I know how the fog of insecurity can cloud the mind sometimes for weeks at a time. In the past when that used to happen I would lock myself in my room and try to figure my way out to clarity. It turns out that doesn’t work well at all. I would just go on circles and then feel guilty because I was felt stupid for not figuring out solutions. It took me years to understand and learn some principles that would allow me take a different approach when I’m not feeling “motivated”.

  1. Do not force yourself to take action when not motivated. Studies have shown that will power is limited. If you’re not feeling in the mood to complete a task that you set yourself up for the day, then don’t do it. Instead take to time to analyze what event happened that maid you feel unmotivated. Example, sometimes I don’t feel like writing or doing marketing research. If nothing comes out of my mind for 20 minutes while I’m in front of the computer then I just don’t force myself to write. Instead I would list events that lead me to be in that particular state of mind. The majority of times I find the reason I feel tired are usually after taking care of unscheduled errands. If after a few days of listing events you see a pattern then schedule around that. It could be anything. Maybe your a morning person and you should just wake up one hour earlier, maybe you eat something when you shouldn’t.

  2. Research out to mentors or support groups. If you’re mind is racing because of high anxiety and indecision just remember, your situation is not unique. People before you have already gone through that fire and back again, go talk to them. When I was feeling most insecure about my facial paralysis I reached out to someone who has my same condition. We were pen-pals for years, before I actually met her in The Moebius Syndrome conference in 2010 and have been good friends ever since. Now I realize that everyone has some crutch whether physical or mental and I choose not to feel down.

  3. Ask yourself Why? 5 times. Always go to the root cause when you find yourself over thinking a situation. This is a method used in problem solving scenarios and it’s called…drum-roll…the 5 Why’s. Basically it involves exhausting the reasons for a problem until you find the root cause. I Companies use this method to define, measure, analyze, improve and control situations that involve human factors or interactions. Let’s say that your worrying about your life. Why? Maybe you have too much debt. Why? Your not good managing money. Why? You don’t save money. Why? You don’t earn enough money Why? Your job does not pay much. At the point you can decide either to get a raise or get another higher paying job.

  4. Focus on what you can control. Don’t waste your time in things you cannot control. So much effort is wasted blaming others, because is the easy excuse not to do anything. Biggest time wasters are blaming people for your problems, the government and the past. Get away from toxic people as soon as you realize it, change yourself first before even trying to change the government and as for the past, well there are thousands of YouTube videos of “Let it go” from the movie Frozen.

How introverts can deal with insecurities.

This week I was evaluating how I was doing with my goals and I came to the realization that I was not hitting my marks in some areas. Sure so far this year I have been having incredible success with mainly with promoting the blog on social platforms and finishing the marketing research for my super 8 freelance business. However, I also had the goals of losing some weight and shooting my a short film. So far I have lost 10 pounds of my 40 pound goal and hit a plateau. As for my short film I was hoping to shoot by the end of the year and now it’s becoming clear that unless I might need to just do per-production and shot next year.

I must admit I had some feelings of guilt and insecurities. In the past I used to beat myself up for having them, but in the course of time I learned to implement systems to deal with both my insecurities and also to analyze better my performance to asses what things I have done right to achieve my goals and also to correct what might have gone wrong. For a lot of people feeling insecure can be paralyzing. I have experienced the same thing myself multiple times and I discovered two things to deal with feelings of inadequacy that stop them in their tracks.

Number one thing is to remember that even the most successful people have the same insecurities. Even one of my influencers; Tim Ferris , wrote at one time how insecure he can be. There are multiple books that discuss how creative people deal with their hang-ups and you would be surprise about who has passed through those same feelings that any one of us might have at any given time. Among them Karl Marx, Woody Allen, Jane Austen and Benjamin Franklin all had weird rituals to deal with their inner psychology. You can read more about it in the book Daily Rituals: How Artist work.

The thing to remember is in our own minds there will always be insecurities, now matter how much we try to tame our thoughts there will always be be a degree of chaos inside us and that is normal. Instead of fighting them, embrace them and make sure you have tools that can help you remain sane and help you revitalize so that you can continue on your journey of geeky self development. I don’t like to make list of top 5 suggestions because I think they just serve as a placebo effect and don’t lead to action. What I can do is to recommend this website that can give you guys suggestions made by professionals. Personally what has worked for me has been playing videogames, assigning a time to stop working, making a weekly analysis of my goals and because I can afford it, every three months I visit a therapist that I use as a personal couch because I don’t want to rant to my friends unless it’s absolutely necessary. Oh yeah and going to the movie theater is a spiritual, cleansing experience for me.

The second thing that I learned just recently is the goal setting is a skill and that the first few tries we are naturally going to fail and that’s normal and we can actually take action and correct our course. In my case I analyzed what things I was doing wrong and that fact is that I need to reases my priorities and be brutally honest and admit that I can only do pre-production of my short film this year and that I had unrealistic expectations for how fast I can lose some pounds. Note that I’m still going forward and not quitting.